Zoe’s Definition of Alluring
The dictionary definition of alluring is: powerfully and mysteriously attractive or fascinating. It also means the power to entice or attract through personal charm, magnetic.
What makes a person so charming, so enticing?
Is it the color of their eyes? Their giddy sense of humor? Their passion for binge watching Breaking Bad? To me, after years of soul searching and carving out the superficial, it boils down to a person’s level of kindness and most of all the choices that they make from one second to the next. Did they quit smoking cold turkey? Did they courageously quit their well paying job for something more fulfilling? Did they decide to start swimming laps every day at the pool? Did they help a lost child find his mother? Did they invite the new girl at work to have lunch with them? I have started to look beyond the physical a long time ago.
How I use to define alluring
My teenage years were enveloped in shallow surroundings with the company I kept. I conceptualized beauty to only be associated with the type of clothes I had to wear, the style of my hair, and the make-up I applied. My style was imitation instead of self-expression. If you do a search for some classic episodes of Dance Party U.S.A (a bad copy of the legendary and trendsetting American Bandstand and Soul Train), you will have an idea of what I was trying to emulate. If any pictures of me during that era turn up (probably not because I destroyed a lot of them), you will also see how I drastically and pathetically failed to look like one of those girls. My lipstick was too orange, my bangs were never curled right, and the clothes…well let’s just say they were not complimenting anything at all. They were too tight, or too baggy, too short or too purple. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and never thought that I was skinny enough, or my eyes were too big, or my bangs couldn't curl. I was constantly comparing myself to other girls with the belief that they were better than me rather than looking inward.
Then, there was my attitude.
I started off only doing things that I thought were cool, which was not much of anything at all. I remember watching a lot of Dance Party U.S.A, shopping at the mall for those hideous clothes, reading a lot of Teen Beat and Seventeen magazines, and cracking my gum very loudly to agitate my stepfather. These were my sophomoric years which lasted longer than necessary, and I cringe when I think of what I could have accomplished instead of being such a Princess wannabe (who was a regular on Dance Party U.S.A). Instead of allowing myself to be inspired by her accomplishments, which I found out after I googled her, was an athlete at a very young age and is an accomplished Pole Fitness instructor. She was dancing it up on that show having a great time and being Princess and I sat there unable to concentrate on my homework wanting to be Princess, or Marisol, and I think there was a Karen or a Sue. I dreamed of what it would be like to dance with Chris Kelly rather than take the opportunity to ask a guy at a church social to dance with me even if it most likely meant I would be rejected. Princess was doing something for her life. I was sitting there watching and imitating her unique dance moves as my sister rolled her eyes. Why wasn't I creating dance moves of my own? Princess was able to pull it off, but I looked absolutely ridiculous!
Thankfully, I eventually grew up
I grew out of the cover girl idolatry many years ago as bigger distractions took up my time. No more spending Saturdays lying in bed flipping through Cosmo or watching episodes of MTV. Yet I had the absurd assumption that all the woman in the world followed in my shoes, especially with all the talk with shows like The View and Tyra where the women harped on the beauty and glamour magazines for misrepresenting what beautiful actually is. When I sat down to research how teenagers look at beauty today, I was very shocked to find that it still existed. There are still articles being written with titles such as How the Modeling Industry Affects a Young Girl’s Perception. How is this so influential?
I have a thirteen-year old niece who has bloomed into a beautiful adolescent. She preoccupies herself with piano, drawing, and chatting on the phone with her BFF. I have yet to see her pick-up a magazine as I did at her age, and when she goes online, she is consumed with the comically viral You-Tube videos or computer games. She appears comfortable in her skin. Women such as Tina Fey and Kelly Ripa inspire her humor, but she is not picking out the kind of clothes they wear, or copying their hair cut. I see her own style coming out when she makes videos of her own sketches or when she is just goofing around. Of course, I find my precious niece very alluring!
Other than my niece, my contact with today’s youth is sparse. What I hope is that other girls her age and older are being wisely inspired.
I found that emulating someone you consider to be pretty, even if they are your hero and have admirable qualities, does not make you-yourself-look like that person.
There’s a difference between imitation and inspiration.
Imitation is when you take another’s personal tastes, interests and personalities and attempt to transpose those traits on to yourself. There are people that can pull it off, but most of the time, it does not fit and people can call you out on it. You hear people using words such as “fake”, “phony”, or “copy cat” to describe imitators. It adds more layers on to your skin, figuratively speaking, and many don’t have the energy to try to exfoliate it to get to the real you. The people that will matter in your life will always want to know the real you. Many don’t have the time or energy to scrub away in order to get to the smooth surface of what is purely beautiful you. Many will just give up and move on to something else.
Inspiration is when you take the qualities in someone that you consider affable and try them on while adding your own spices and creating your own flavor. The Beatles and the Beach boys were two popular rock bands born in the sixties whose timeless sounds are still influential to new generations today. They were heavy influences on one another that resulted in the creation of many harmonious tunes, fun-loving beats and captivating lyrics. These men could have gone after one another in a Great Gates-Jobs feud, or even worse, copied each other. But they didn’t. Instead they inspired one another and attributed credit to the other for enhancing their respective music. If you listen to the Beatles and the Beach Boys, you will find some similarities but you will find each of their styles original.
What is alluring
The powerful and mysterious creation of our souls and bodies is alluring in and of itself. In today’s society though, the attractive qualities of a person are generally narrowed down to one’s perception, whether we are looking at ourselves or setting our eyes on other people. It’s a mystery how one is attractive to a particular person, but not attractive to another. However, alluring qualities are in each and every one of us.
The allure of a person can always change
It can be strengthened or weakened. The forces that I find to be powerful in heightening these qualities are self-confidence, self-respect, and self-love. These are self-nurturing properties essential for your health, which is fundamentally feeling good. Without them, you are on a path to self-destruction that goes beyond self-loathing. Anger at the world, drug addiction, recklessness, and malice are not alluring qualities. However, these attributes are in people in our lives that we love and many allow them to influence us in the wrong direction. That is a lonely and unpleasant path.
What makes you alluring is not how you compare to a model, what type of bone structure you have or weather you like to cake on your make-up or go au naturale. Being alluring comes from putting you first with your health taking on the role as the soldier of your being that will take you to opportunities and endless possibilities. Your self acts as the general to lead, guide, strengthen and protect it.
To your health!